the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
