Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm just crazy horny about you
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
