i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize