I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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