I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
