i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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