I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
