wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So vagazzling was a success
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize