first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
COCAINE IS GR8
Never joke about your clitoris.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
