You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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