I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
