I'm lost and stupid without you.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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