I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
