I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
