thus making me awesome and them whores
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
