Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize