My cat gives me a boner
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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