Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
