Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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