There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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