whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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