Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
