toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
