i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
