If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
