I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
