If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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