It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
