you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
