i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
