I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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