Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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