all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
