Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
