I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
