Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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