I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
