if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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