i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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