So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
