I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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