so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
