Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
