Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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