eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
