Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
