If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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