So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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