were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
