her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
