I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
