see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize