So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
