i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
