I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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