I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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