Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
