Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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