Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
