He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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