I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
and she was petting her beer can
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
