I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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