My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
