Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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