She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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