My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
