my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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