Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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