Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize