I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
