I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
