You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
