oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
