Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
