I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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