i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
that's an acceptable place to lick
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
