Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
