Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
