You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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