Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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