We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So. Much. Porn.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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