Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Found the puke drawer
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
