So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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