If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
