I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
