he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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