Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This is the high leading the old right now
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
