At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
