not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
