it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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