I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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