You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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