I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have aggressive nipples.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
